A New Year

Jan 07, 14 A New Year

A new year as many see it is a fresh start indicated by the first day of January. I also celebrate and see New Year’s Day as the exciting start to a new adventure. I often like New Year’s Eve far more than New Year’s day. New Year’s Eve allows you to celebrate the triumphs, accomplishments and changes that you have experienced throughout the year. For me these celebratory milestones included my daughter learning to speak in full-sentences and watching my son excel in his academics and sports. It also included a lot of uncomfortable (but necessary) changes that stemmed from my divorce. They were hard to go through, and there is no denying that I wish that there had been an easier way to get past the emotions and repercussions of divorce, but I couldn’t escape my problems. In the past year I have tried to rise up from deceit, betrayal and the powerlessness you feel when your marriage ends.

Something that I have not been able toGlass of champagne get over is the loss of friendships that may occur because of a New year clockNew year clockdivorce. Sides are chosen and lines are firmly drawn about who was right, who was wrong, who was to blame and ultimately who they would continue their friendship with. This New Year’s Eve my former husband had the kids, and I was left with two full days to myself. No work to do and really nothing else but a bit of housework to keep me busy. I have never felt as lonely as I did this past New Year’s Eve, as I was left wondering what so and so might be up to for the evening. But unfortunately a lot of the friendships I had developed were greatly intertwined with my marriage and the activities that I used to partake in as one half of a couple. I am not going to pretend that I didn’t notice a vast decrease in Christmas cards and e-cards. Divorce is ugly. Messy. The aftermath continues and flows over into many different aspects of your life. So here I was again reminded of why I was so ready to shut the door on 2013 and ring in 2014. Loneliness is scary. Alone. I felt alone in one of the deepest possible ways. There was no one in my immediate sights to build my future with, my time with my children has been drastically reduced, and my friendship with people I have had in my life for years have vanished. Thank goodness for other bloggers who helped me feel as though I was not completely alone this New Years including Singlemomtism and Inthemomlight.

New Years Eve rolled around and I was yetBeach front with water getting rid of 2013 and onto 2014. to solidify any sort of plans. I was scared to reach out to people and I didn’t want to feel like I was inviting myself. So I went on with the day as normal, I noticed while I was out running errands how busy the stores were and how people seemed to be in a better mood than usual. I got home shortly before four and checked my messages. A call from an old friend who was wondering if I had plans for the evening and a message from my son wishing me a happy New Year. I checked my email. An invite to another New Year’s get together and a few e-cards. Some of these friends I had thought were lost, and didn’t want to make them uncomfortable or have to choose sides. Unfortunately it occurred anyways. A few friends even acknowledged that they had felt uncomfortable immediately following the separation and did not want to get mixed up in my affairs. I can appreciate that because I know that any little thing can get misinterpreted, manipulated and even used as ammunition. People do show their true colors when things get tough. That is why I think the new year is a good time to go through and reflect on what is important in life. Truly important-not the money, clothes, weight you loose (or don’t loose). My main New Year’s resolution is to be a better person to others. To be more open, more gracious and more genuine.

It wasn’t an easy New Year’s Eve to get through. 145237989In the end, despite the invitations I decided to stay home. I reflected on all that had happened alone with a bottle of wine. I had a little pity party for myself and what I had lost and how uncertain the next year looked. But I made another resolution… this would be my last pity party. Many people are struggling with their divorce and the aftermath that continues to ripple. They are getting through it. There are worse things to go through including death, disease and financial stress. I am healthy, have to great children, caring parents, a career I adore and friends who will stay with me through thick and thin. Those are the friends that I want anyways. The true ones where you can let your hair down with, have your house be messy, be vulnerable and truly yourself with. There is no act to put on, no trying to impress anyone. I may have lost some friends in 2013, but I was reminded of how fortunate I am for everything I do have, including true friends who will be with me through every joy, hurt, celebration, loss and milestone. I also was reminded that New Year’s Resolutions don’t need to start on New Year’s Day. Life can change drastically in a year. You may have failed one resolution, and your life requires change somewhere else. That is why any day can be a day for change, just make sure it is in the right direction.

What New Year’s Resolutions have you made for yourself? Did you keep them?

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